A healthy sexual relationship can positively affect all aspects
of your life. However, chronic pain issues can interfere with
healthy sexuality.
When chronic pain is present, you may not feel like sharing your
thoughts and feelings or having close contact with another person.
You also may not be interested in more intimate physical contact,
including sexual intercourse.
Why might people with chronic pain fear intimacy?
For people with chronic pain, fear issues may be part of the
reason sexuality is avoided. These issues include:
- Fear of rejection by a partner. It is common
for people with chronic pain to feel that a partner is no longer
interested. You might wonder if a partner is less attracted because
you are in pain. Talk about your partner's feelings and
fears, and share your own.
- Fear of pain associated with sex. It is
natural to worry that sexual intercourse will cause you physical
pain. You can address this concern by experimenting with different
positions that are more comfortable. Also, relaxation exercises can
help reduce fears and manage pain.
- Fear of failure to perform. Pain, depression,
alcohol, and medicines are among the factors that might affect
sexual functioning, or the ability to get aroused or have an
orgasm. Sometimes, failure to perform is due to stress and anxiety.
In many cases, patience and understanding can help in overcoming
performance problems. Many medicines can reduce your sexual ability
and/or cause erectile difficulties. If you suspect a medicine may
be affecting your sexual performance, don't stop taking the drug
without first consulting your doctor. You can also speak to your
physician about medication to improve erectile functioning.
What are some alternate ways of expressing sexual
intimacy?
Intercourse is not the only form of sexual intimacy. You and/or
your partner might want to try some of the following:
- Touching. Explore your partner's body
through touch. This might include cuddling, fondling, stroking,
massaging, and kissing. Touch increases feelings of intimacy.
- Self-stimulation. Masturbation is a normal and
healthy way to fulfill your sexual needs.
- Oral sex. This form of contact might be an
alternative or supplement to traditional intercourse.
- Sex toys or vibrators. Many couples enjoy
variety. Mutual use of toys with your partner can add variety to
your sexual repertoire and reduce pressure to perform.
You may also want to experiment with having sex at different
times of the day or in different positions, e.g., in the shower,
whirlpool, or hot tub. If you have more pain in the evening, having
sex earlier in the day may help. Different positions may help in
easing pain that occurs. Books may be a helpful resource to learn
about different positions.